It can be tough to navigate stressful family dynamics, especially during large gatherings around the holidays. Unresolved tensions and feeling drained in unhealthy relationships with your family can make these big gatherings bring about stress and avoidance.

When you’re visiting family members that you feel aren’t acknowledging your strengths or responsibilities as an adult—no matter your age—it’s important to practice some important tools to help you from becoming too upset in the face of adversity.

In the words of Denica Gordon-Mandel, “Identify the C.R.A.P.—Control, Reactivity, Adversarial Dynamics, and Power Struggles—and focus on cultivating C.A.R.E. – Curiosity, Attunement, Responsibility, and Excitement.”

Negative Emotions That Make Us Feel Stuck

Safeguarding your personal autonomy is important for your emotional well-being, which can be difficult when your parents “want what’s best for you” while criticizing your career choices or how you raise your family.

It’s important to assert yourself as an independent adult in these situations, even if it feels challenging. Set boundaries while simultaneously expressing gratitude for their care so you can acknowledge that you appreciate their “advice” but would rather handle it your own way as an adult.

Of course, some relatives might not take kindly to you asserting yourself, and their reactivity can also cause stress. Redirect the focus away from their tension or step away from the situation to ensure that you won’t be adding fuel to the fire by accident.

Power imbalances can affect your family in many ways, from adversarial dynamics to members of the family who redirect the conversation focus back to themselves, disregarding your attempts to join in the conversation.

It’s important to feel free to express yourself and for relationships to feel fair – even within family dynamics where it’s often felt that children must answer to parents, no matter their age.

By employing some simple conversation tactics, you can reduce your levels of stress and navigate family social events with confidence, no matter what negative emotions your family might try to put on you.

How to Cultivate Care in Your Relationships

Of course, for change to happen in your family dynamics, it needs to start with you.

Try asking your family members about their lives – their families, friends, work lives, and more. Offering genuine interest and curiosity can help encourage more open communication.

Be there for your family members when they want to tell you something exciting about their lives, or if one of your kids or grandkids is eager to show you a funny video, then watch it with them.

These small moments of connection can mean a lot to young minds like your kids or grandkids and build a feeling of safety with you. Being excited to join in on your family’s lives will help them grow closer and learn to trust you with important moments.

Conflict management is nobody’s strong suit, but taking responsibility for your actions if you upset a family member can go a long way. A simple apology can foster further trust in you and help repair relationships.

Strengthen Your Familial Links with Love

Create opportunities for your loved ones to share themselves with you, and you can share yourself with them in return.